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[Feb. 10th, 2010|05:17 am] |
I wonder if it's possible or the least bit feasible to want too many things in life and out of life. As if life doesn't already provide you with enough complications alone. I settle for things in the past. I was a settler. Settle on little itsy bitsy tiny things that don't make sense but made me very happy. But the happiness amounted to a fraction of the hurt you get in the end. Does wanting too many things = greed = destroying you slowly bit by bit? You get sucked into a world of greed and competition. Everyone's on a ladder. They keep climbing higher. They want the clouds, you want the stars. They want the moon, you want the end of the world. It's a never-ending venture to the top.
I keep dreaming about the future, i forgot about reality sometimes. I need tears and a hit on the head to bring me back to ground zero where you discover that, not everyone yearns to be that fast-paced. Then i sit on the other side of the fence when i see 23 year olds owning cars and it's like a dream that's reachable. I am crazy enough in the sense that, i sink into slight depression when i know that things aren't going on track. The people on the mrt trains can witness my pathetic tears. I really don't learn, do i? I don't learn to let go and let live
Nicholas sparks need to save me from misery.
For now, i just need to get past tmr and friday. Worry more after cny. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2010|03:43 am] |
 I think this photo is ridiculously funny. I wonder why i never put it up. Maybe it's because i look really retarded |
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| I can't sleep, |
[Feb. 9th, 2010|05:42 am] |
so i stay up thinking about the world. All around me is dark except for the light coming from my screen, the blue light from the speakers and that of the crescent moon in the sky. I take a picture of the moon. Instead of spending time on my thesis, i spend my time here thinking about absolutely nothing. How wonderful is that. I just took my medicine not long ago and should start to feel drowsy soon.
Honestly speaking, i felt absolute fear when i woke up on sunday only to find myself not even being able to voice a "good morning amelia" to myself. It's a very deep dark fear. I literally had to knock on my door just to get my brother's attention to bring me a glass of water cos nothing came out of my mouth. I sat on my floor, leaning against my sofa, dripping tears cos i felt so miserable. Im guessing it's a feeling most won't understand. At that point of time, i tried to comfort myself by likening me to Ariel in the Little Mermaid where her voice was stolen away from her by that ugly sea-witch and somehow, she will get it back. I mean, obviously my voice will come back after eating medicine diligently but it's the thought of nothingness that scares me. I wonder how it will be like to have my voice ripped from me for good.
People always take the simplest and little things for granted. We like to see the bad and never the good, it's almost like an inert nature that we possess. We try to dig up faults in words that we say, things that we do. In truth, we are quarreling over words. Are words then - the hindering factor? What if i really couldnt talk one day or never learnt the way of words, will it eliminate miscommunication? The irony is very unsettling.
I love sitting in darkness. It lets my imagination run wild and wonder if im alone in the room. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2010|02:09 pm] |
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I already learnt that you can't rely on anyone in this world. You can only rely on yourself. I just didnt thought that I have to keep reminding myself about that. Hello world, i officially have no voice. Going to the doc now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2010|02:11 am] |
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My throat = FAIL. Looks like I have to see a doctor tmr. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2010|01:24 am] |
I totally failed at the whole Cny year 1hour speed-shopping today. I wanted to get something flowery but apart from the colorful dress hanging in my closet right now, i think i about suck at any other flowery stuff haha. I ended up getting some grey sweater in my favourite material. I Hate shopping sometimes. I always end up getting unnecessary things and waste more money at it. Crap.
Thesis meeting in school today. I don't know if extreme academic writing should be a good or bad thing. I walked/ran in the rain today. My sore throat is F**KING painful ): Met an old friend for dinner to talk about some business plans. well, sort of. It was pretty overwhelming. Awesome train ride home.
I have been watching The Bachelor Rome from 2am-3am every night without fail. Don't ask me why i'm watching that even. I can't wait for my cheques to come in! :D |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2010|07:04 pm] |
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You know what, my tabletop finally saw daylight. HAHA. I'm typing this back in my room at my table. Diagonally sitting behind me is my new sofa chair with my 3 teddy bears on it. They are the first sofa-sitters! Ohmy. my photo wall needs to update itself. I need to label my boxes. Writing my thesis is the last thing on my mind now. SIGH. |
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| Hello MBPP, |
[Feb. 4th, 2010|03:31 am] |
I don't know why i love eating at 3am in the morning -_- I just had leftovers from yesterday's dinner. TMR IS WRITE THESIS DRAFT DAY. URGHHH. The thought of it is annoying enough.
Tmr, I will accomplish these:
1. 4 meetings minutes
2. Thesis draft
3. Mallshopper
4. Email business plan idea to Benny, draft out all the sub-topics on words
5. PACK and STRETCH and PRACTISE |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2010|03:35 am] |
My room is filled with boxes and boxes and just heaps of storage spaces haha. Did i mention how much I love boxes? The whole Rectangular Squarish Contained Space is very alluring. My living room got itself a new coat of paint. The color is minty green - which in my opinion, makes no difference to the original color at all. I wish they would just go for a bold color like a shade of grey or brown or something. But then again, it might not fit the whole cherry wood thing going on in my living room. And i wish we got new curtains! Like in a pastel color or something.
Im also changing the configurations of my room slightly. I got a new sofa! haha. Wanted to get it since a few years ago. It's very nice and very comfy and it's black. More furniture when i have time to go shopping -_- I don't even have time to go shopping it's ridiculous. I need to remind myself that i need to get cny clothes? |
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